Memoirs Of An Evil Genius: Hair Today, If You Don't Pull It All Out

April 06, 2008

Hair Today, If You Don't Pull It All Out

I'M NOT DEAD! I swear! I know it's been a month or so since my last update, but it's just because I've been busy. Busy NOT choking my producer to death, which believe you me has been a lot of work. I don't want to go into details because it will kick-start a rage that will NEVER DIE, but suffice it to say that my homicidal impulses have been getting a workout like decathletes preparing for the Olympic games.

Other things I've been doing: removing the old, beat-up chair from my bedroom and replacing it with a cabinet; filling said cabinet with the pile of books, rapidly expanding like the blob, beside my bed; restocking said pile of books with rash and ill-conceived purchases from Amazon; eating Cadbury Creme Eggs; and going to bad movies. I've been doing more than that, but I've been out drinking tonight and can't remember all that stuff.

Oh! I also got a haircut. There's a place in my neighborhood and I've never gone there - mostly because it has a person's name in the title without words like "super" or "fantastic" or "EZ", which translates loosely to "expensive" -- but I was kind of feeling like I wanted an expert at the helm for once. Frankly, though, it seems like a waste of money as I wear my hair pretty short and it doesn't take much skill or critical thinking to execute that particular look. And back when I decided that I wanted to do that "shaggy" look the kids were all going in for, I found out that when my hair gets longer? It gets all wavy and curly and impossible to manage. So I went to one of these pricey salons and asked the hairdresser (I feel so sophisticated!) to help me find a controllable look I could sport while continuing to let my hair grow out. So she said she'd just cut the curl out of it, and fifty dollars later I walked out with a buzz cut.

Anyway, I avoided the expensive places after that, because what's the point, right? Except that the last two times I went to the cheap places they cut that part above my right ear just a smidge too high, and I looked like Claus Von Stauffenberg's mentally handicapped cousin from Mayberry. So I thought I'd give it a try one more time. The woman who cut my hair was a close-talker, and an over-sharer to boot, and as she styled me she YANKED on my hair about A HUNDRED AND FIFTY TIMES. I'm surprised I have any left. More so because, in addition to the yanking, she CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF AGAIN. They all say the same thing: "I LOVE your hair! I wish MY hair was like yours! I'm just going to cut the curl out of it." And then later, "You like SHORT hair...right?" I do like it, though. I just with it hadn't cost FIFTY DOLLARS.

There I go with the rage again. Anyway, you'll all love to know that Argyle totally told our loud-sex neighbor's roommate all about the loud sex, and apparently the roommate has been mortified on the loud-sexer's behalf about the loud sex. Maybe you didn't love to know that. But I've had wine.

Okay, I'm going to bed now.

April 06, 2008 in Creature Discomforts, Interludes, On The Job, Stressed For Success | Permalink

Comments

Next time you need it cut, let me know, and I'll give you the name of the girl I went to for my bangs. She's cheap, and works out of her apartment off La Brea.

Posted by:jen | April 07, 2008 at 04:40 PM

Book 'Em, Dr. No

Dean Koontz: Intensity
Suspenseful and unnerving, this book suffers from only two minor flaws. While Koontz's purple prose lends itself well to description and rumination, it does no favors for the scattered bits of dialog in this otherwise well-written tale. Additionally, after a crashingly good horror story with genuine moments of real introspection, the final denouement seems trite and preachy. Overall, though, an exciting read.
Joanne Harris: Gentlemen and Players
My one complaint about Joanne Harris is that her protagonists tend to be abrasive and unlikeable. Not so here, which is possibly her best to date -- our hero is one of the most enjoyable characters she's developed yet; even the villain has a cunning appeal, and Harris pits the two narratives against each other, ratcheting the suspense as she slowly brings things to a boil.
Mary Roberts Rinehart: The Door
This complex and atmospheric mystery, published in 1930, is the genesis of a well-known phrase - which I can't reveal without ruining the twist ending. Suffice it to say that Rinehart is a very clever writer, although she relies heavily on a device throughout this book where she forecasts all major plot points and then doubles back to develop them, flashback-style. The herky-jerk nature of this style dampens some of the mounting suspense, but it's an engrossing read overall.
Janet Evanovich: Visions of Sugar Plums
My mother is a woman obsessed with Janet Evanovich, and she has been insisting for years that I read her interstitial novellas. This is the first, and it's a cute, breezy Christmas tale. There's a supernatural element that wasn't my cup of tea -- too much peanut butter in my chocolate -- but if you're a fan of Evanovich, you'll like it.
John Buchan: The Thirty-Nine Steps
A brisk and engaging spy thriller, this novella - the source material for Hitchcock's famous film - barely exceeds 100 pages. It strains credibility a bit, but it's still a fun read, and although the Georgian era references and colloquialisms are sometimes hard to follow, a glossary of terms (!) at the back of the book does help.
James E. McWilliams: A Revolution in Eating: How the Quest for Food Shaped America
An excellent book, especially if you're interested in culinary anthropology or American cultural, social, geographical, or political history. The author charts the evolution of regional American cuisine from colonial times to the Revolution.
Janet Evanovich: Metro Girl
Typical of Evanovich's style - this is light, easy, and fun; a good summertime book. Perhaps a bit too stylistically similar to her Stephanie Plum series, but if it ain't broke...
Heather Graham: The Seance
So bad. SO. BAD. Just...just so bad.
David Kamp: The United States of Arugula: How We Became a Gourmet Nation
An authoritative and compellingly-written look at the rise of gourmet cuisine in the American culture, charting it from Le Pavillon to Chez Panisse to Whole Foods. It will make you want to cook, y'all. For reals.
James Patterson: 1st to Die: A Novel
A recommendation from my mother -- she's hooked. I thought it was good, but Patterson's blunt, staccato writing style took some getting used to. Still, if you like procedurals, it's an effective diversion.