OH MY GOSH WHY HAVEN'T I UPDATED IN FOREVER? It's because I've been busy. And lazy. Mostly lazy. After that whole I Know Who Killed Me nonsense, I think I was scared off of media for a while. Okay. OKAY! That's a lie. A half-lie. That was some seriously wrong-ass shit, though, y'all. What man could love media after THAT? I WAS busy, though, and all that shit. I bought an HDTV! (My life changed!) I celebrated the new year by falling asleep at the bar! (In my defense, I wasn't feeling well!) I had a birthday! (I am only as old as I feel, so STOP JUDGING ME, HOLLYWOOD!)
Actually, I (lately, anyway) put a lot of stock in that whole 'only as old as you feel' load of bullshit. Because I don't FEEEEEL old, you know? Then again, how exactly does one feel "old"? You know? No one feels old until they fall asleep at the bar on New Year's Eve, probably. OH, WAIT. No, but really, I'm not old. Well, when I was 13 my current age seemed old, like OLD, but now that I'm my current age I still feel young. Tra la la! And then I go for a run and realize I need a knee brace, and I go stretch out BEFORE my run and pull a groin muscle, and then I'm FALLING ASLEEP AT THE BAR and I realize that age has a way of creeping up on you.
But I didn't mean this to be a Mortality post. Frankly, I don't know what this was supposed to be about. People got laid the fuck off at my job recently, and I managed to be not one of them, although the axe continues to fall all around me and I'm not sure that it's finished. OMG, WHY AM I SO DEPRESSING?
Okay, here's something that's not depressing! I made rosemary ice cream yesterday. I know, it sounds weird, but I got the idea from a Taillevent recipe for basil ice cream, and I began thinking to myself that there were other "savory" flavors that could work really well. Rosemary was the winner (narrowly beating cumin -- kidding!) (OMG, my neighbor, btw, is snoring like a fucking chipper-shredder and it's reverberating through the alleyway between us and our neighboring building in such a way that it sounds like the shifting of techtonic plates or something) and I coupled it with a little bit of honey, and it has this Middle Eastern/South Asian feel to it. It's so delicious.
My neighbor is so loud. Seriously. It's almost funny, except for the loosening plaster. Although it's better than all the creepy sex noises all my other neighbors make. ALTHOUGH, speaking of loosening plaster, I need to get a handyman out here to deal with the fact that my bathroom ceiling is, like, caving the fuck in. Someone needs to fix that shit.
Okay, my neighbor is now starting to sound like someone is a rubbing a balloon with a belt sander. I am over this shit. She's having a baby, incidentally. Due sometime this month. Know who else is having a baby this month? My sister! I'm going to be an uncle again! For the fourth time. But I'm so excited! I'm going home and everything! My nephew is excited about being a big brother, too -- when the baby comes, he's getting a toy train. More than I got when I became a big brother, anyway.
Okay, it's time for me to go and put a pillow over my neighbor's face. It's gone from balloon-and-belt-sander to angry-jaguar-choking-on-oily-rags and I need my beauty sleep. If I'm not imprisoned, I'll try to check in soon!
Love,
Me
What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you smoke crack late at night and then hop on the fucking computer? Does anybody actually read your bullshit? Do you sound like the way you type? Holy goddamn, I wish I was your neighbor so I could slap you.
Posted by: Phuque Hughe | July 15, 2009 at 11:20 PM